A year ago, if you told me that we would still be in existence, I probably would have nodded politely and smiled inwardly knowing that it would never happen. The first piece we ever put up on this platform was on how scary this was. If you haven’t already, check out Doing it Afraid.

It is still very scary.

Every single week since then when a post is due to go up, that fear creeps up again. The lead up to going live, the level of knowing that these words will be up and open to the public is nerve wracking.

And yet, here we are! A whole twelve months later! If not for anything I am proud to say that we made it to a year.

A couple of weeks back I was racking my brain on how this piece will play out and nothing came to mind. This space for me is one where I chose to be open and vulnerable and write from experience. Currently feeling very inclined to reflect back on the stories we experienced on her for the past twelve months. Maybe highlight the ones that really struck a chord with me. Kinda like a little walk down memory lane.

On the other hand, what if I compare this milestone to the first year of life for a human child? To the point where we have a walking talking 1 year old child? Maybe it is because I went to a 1 year old birthday party recently? Fun fact she was born shy of 1 week before we published our first piece.

How about I keep typing and we see where the thoughts lead? 

When a child is born, there’s lots of excitement, anxiety, anticipation, eagerness. Kinda like what I felt a couple of days before we went live. Sleepless nights were experienced. This new baby we were birthing was ready to be born and we were excited to meet her but also scared of what it would be to be a new parent. Will she be a calm baby? Will she be volatile? Am I ready? That was the biggest fear I had. Will I be ready to handle what it takes and what it means to have my words come to life and be made available to the public?

For those who have witnessed birth or have first hand experience. The most immediate reaction after a child is born is relief. Relief because no more contractions, no more labor, no more pain and the fruits of your labor, pun intended, is here. When our IT guy sent me a message that the first piece was up, immediately I felt relieved. It was done. No take backsies. 

Labour ward is hectic. Delivery rooms not so much. When it is just you and your baby is when reality sinks in.After you are wheeled out of the delivery room. Those few moments of calm before the storm. I remember the next two days after we went live. The amount of hours I spent on internal reflection were many. The amount of time I went through the website to make sure all t’s were crossed and i’s were Ii’d. I think the first number of views were from me going back to check that this is real. Like the way a new parent looks at their babies toes and fingers and sniffs that wonderful baby smell on their babies heads. Such an indescribable feeling.

Then the nurse hands over the baby to you on the last day of your admission. At the hospital parking lot and walks away. It’s like the baby knows it is just the two of you and that was their cue to cry. And cry. And cry some more. The confusion in your eyes, the fleeting moment you are tempted to return the baby back to the nurse because you are flustered and maybe also close to tears yourself. I think it was maybe three days after we went live and the site crashed. Promise it was not our fault. Our web host had an issue with their server and we were offline for over 24 hours. I shed a tear or two. Not cool alligator, not cool.

Milestones in the first year. Overcoming colic. The babies ability to follow your movement across the room with their eyes. Being able to sit up. Weaning. Crawling. Standing. Walking. All worth celebrating. This one is a bit hard to explain. PeniMbili. Our not-so regular contributor who graces us with her adventures around love and romance and heartbreak. Your Take. We are still waiting on you. Yes, you, to share with us whatever floats your boat. I must give a special mention to the Girl Dads who honored us with their very real and very personal experiences of what it means to be intentional in raising their daughters. Rant! Honestly here is where all my rationale goes out the window and and let my emotions take the lead.

The Thing Is. My ultimate playground. Here feels especially like home. Because it is where I get to really share the things that are most dear to me. It is my Why. Why I started the blog. Why it is important to talk about the issues there. Why this space has to remain active and alive. The reason why I still experience nervous excitement every Wednesday before we post. This space is where we meet incredible women like Akinyi who have faced adversity and lived to tell the tale. It is where we call out responsibility for people’s actions, ours included. Where we highlight injustices, especially toward women folk. This is where we laugh about idiosyncrasies that make us human. This is where we take a pause to reflect on how our actions despite good intentions have consequences. This is where we mourn the loss of loved ones especially when all else fails. This section is more than a box to be ticked. It is a constant reminder for wny creating this platform was so important to me.

For each and every one of you, who take the time to come on here. And spend a few minutes of your day with us. We see you. We appreciate you. Thank you for reading, for sharing, for commenting. 

As we begin another year. I make no promises other than I will keep showing up. Week after week for as long as I am still breathing. Earlier today, I read this  somewhere: 

The beginning is always exciting. Want to succeed? Keep going when it stops being sexy.

Happy 1st Birthday to us!

PS: the real MVPS are the team that has supported me throughout this journey. 

My Editor , who is probably ready to wring my neck right about now, because this piece is two weeks late. Thank you for your patience.

My Photographer who is just a sweetheart and surprises me almost every week with the images she produces for the pieces.

My IT guy who if given a chance would throw shoes at me. Because I am always nitpicking and making unreasonable demands.

All this would not be possible without them.